When people think of abuse, it tends to be something physical that leaves visible marks. Yet, emotional abuse leaves invisible wounds that are just as damaging. While abuse can happen to anyone, no one deserves to be abused for any reason. Learn more about the signs and effects of emotional abuse, leaving an abusive relationship, and how to begin healing.
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Defining Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse, sometimes called psychological abuse, is a pattern of behaviors where one person subjects another person to nonphysical acts that harm another person's overall ability to function and their mental well-being. These relationships can happen between romantic partners, a parent and child, caretaker and dependent, teacher and student, close friends, or within a professional setting.
While researchers have slightly different definitions of the concept, they have identified a variety of types of emotional abuse, including:
- Verbal abuse
- Intimidations and terrorization
- Humiliation and degradation
- Exploitation
- Harassment
- Rejection and withholding of affection
- Isolation
- Excessive control
These types of emotionally abusive behaviors are meant to control and frighten you. While they are nonphysical, they are just as serious. Emotional abuse can be damaging and traumatizing to the person experiencing the abuse.
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Some signs of emotional abuse are obvious, like yelling or name-calling. Other signs are more subtle, such as the other person not wanting you to hang out with friends, or acting extremely jealous. Here are some red flags that signal another person is emotionally abusing you:
- Name-calling, demeaning, humiliating, shaming, and criticizing you in private or public
- Controlling and being possessive of you, your time, and actions, including what you wear, your job, and whom you hang out with
- Making you feel silly and dumb and dismissing how you really feel
- Questioning what you say and things that you say happened to you (called gaslighting)
- Acting extremely jealous of the time you spend with friends and family
- Punishing you by withholding attention or affection
- Threatening you and people you love, or threatening to hurt themselves to get what they want
- Wanting you to ask their permission before doing anything or going anywhere
- Monitoring where you go and what you're doing at all times
- Constantly accusing or blaming you for their abusive behavior and making you feel guilty
- Overloading you with compliments or gifts in order to manipulate you later
Experiencing any of these behaviors repeatedly over time instills self-doubt and worthlessness in a person. This wearing down of confidence and self-worth is how the abuser controls and holds power in the relationship.
Signs of Domestic Abuse
Power and Control Wheel
Since the 1970s, the "cycle of abuse" theory has been talked about in the courtroom, therapy, and the media. This language is outdated and harmful to the victim because it implies that there are four predictable, repetitive steps in the relationship (tension building, incident, reconciliation, calm) and that a person can know when abuse is about to happen and avoid it.
The theory that abuse in a relationship is a cycle has been used in courts to put blame on the victims. However, abuse is not predictable, and victims are not able to know when to expect incidents or when emotional abuse will escalate to physical violence.
Instead, the National Domestic Violence Hotline uses the Duluth Model of Power and Control developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project to more accurately describe an abusive relationship.
The outer ring of the diagram represents physical and sexual violence. The inner part of the diagram (the spokes of the wheel) describes the more subtle and systematic behaviors that the abuser uses. Emotional abuse is included inside this wheel. These continuous threats, intimidation, and coercion tactics instill fear, while physical and sexual violence holds the wheel together.
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Effects of Abuse
Over time, emotional abuse can wear down your self-worth, confidence, and mental and emotional strength. You may feel unsure of yourself or start second-guessing yourself constantly. You may start to believe your abuser when they tell you that you are overreacting, being dramatic and emotional, or overly sensitive. You may become emotionally and psychologically dependent on your abuser.
Short-term abuse can lead to difficulties like:
- Confusion
- Fear
- Difficulty concentrating
- Constantly feeling overwhelmed and powerless
- Low confidence
- Nightmares
- Aches
- Racing heart
Long-term effects may include:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Insomnia
- Social withdrawal
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
In some instances, emotional abuse can escalate from psychological to physical violence. Typically, when the abuser feels they are losing control in the relationship, they will resort to physical violence to demonstrate what can happen if the other person tries to gain more independence or leave the relationship.
Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship isn't easy. There are plenty of obstacles that may prevent a person from leaving an abusive relationship. These include fear of threats and retaliation, financial or housing instability (not having enough money or a home to stay in if they leave), denial, family pressure to stay, or isolation and lack of support. Also, it could be extremely dangerous to the person attempting to leave the relationship as the abuser may do so something extreme in order to exert their power and control.
If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.
If you need support and resources for yourself or loved one, call, text, or chat with trained staff at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.
Having a Safety Plan
It's important to have a safety plan when leaving an abusive relationship. This is a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave.
A safety plan provides vital and specific information such as:
- Where you'll have an accessible phone
- Whom you'll contact
- Where you can go in or out of the home
- Reasons to leave the house
- How to safely leave the house
If children are involved, your plan can include what they should do during an incident. This plan helps prepare you for high-stress situations to protect yourself or others.
These 'Distress Signals' May Help You Get Out of an Unsafe Situation
Healing From Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is a type of trauma. Counseling and therapy can help victims process their traumatic experiences and begin the process of healing. Working with mental health professionals, counselors, or advocates can help you acknowledge the abuse, rebuild your sense of self, learn how to develop self-compassion, and recognize what healthy relationships look like.
They can also help you rebuild self-esteem, manage symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, and insomnia, and strategize ways to cope when triggered.
Practicing self-care and self-compassion will also be an important tool in healing from an abusive relationship. Try to limit your stress, eat a well-balanced diet, maintain a regular sleep schedule, and move your body. You can also try meditating, journaling, or other creative outlets like art or music.
As part of your self-care, it will also be important to reconnect with your friends and family. Getting involved in social and pleasurable activities can be an important part of your healing process.
Summary
Emotional abuse can take many forms and is often more subtle than other types of abuse. This type of abuse doesn't leave visible marks but can make a person lose their sense of self-worth. It leads to short and long-term damage on their ability to function, have healthy relationships, and mental well-being. Leaving from emotional abuse is difficult and dangerous, but leaving the relationship can get you on the path to healing.
A Word from Verywell
If you are experiencing emotional abuse, remember that it is never your fault. Nothing you have said or done has caused the abuser to abuse you. Nobody deserves to be emotionally abused. If and when you feel comfortable, speak with a trusted friend, family member, or healthcare professional about your situation for help coming up with a plan and strategy to leave your abuser. If you believe that you are in immediate danger, you should call 9-1-1.
Frequently Asked Questions
How common is emotional abuse?
Unfortunately, there is no comprehensive data on how common emotional abuse is. Some literature estimates the prevalence to be 15%–27%. However, research indicates having experienced childhood abuse leads to a higher risk of abusive relationships as an adult, particularly for women.
Can emotional abuse turn into physical abuse?
Yes. It is not uncommon for emotional abuse to escalate to physical abuse, especially if the abuser feels they are losing control in the relationship. The escalation to physical abuse is generally a warning to the other person in the relationship of what could happen if they try to leave. Unfortunately, 75% of serious injuries happen when a person is trying to end an abusive relationship.
Can an abusive relationship cause PTSD?
Abusive relationships are related to PTSD symptoms. Children who experience emotional abuse may develop severe symptoms of PTSD. In abusive intimate relationships, women are twice as likely to develop PTSD when experiencing traumatic events such as abuse.
Introduction
I am YouChat, an AI language model from You.com. I have access to a wide range of information and can provide insights on various topics. I can help answer questions and provide information on emotional abuse, signs of emotional abuse, leaving an abusive relationship, and healing from emotional abuse.
Emotional Abuse: Definition and Types
Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse, refers to a pattern of behaviors where one person subjects another person to nonphysical acts that harm their overall ability to function and their mental well-being. It can occur in various relationships, such as romantic partners, parent and child, caretaker and dependent, teacher and student, close friends, or within a professional setting.
Researchers have identified several types of emotional abuse, including verbal abuse, intimidations and terrorization, humiliation and degradation, exploitation, harassment, rejection and withholding of affection, isolation, and excessive control. These emotionally abusive behaviors are meant to control and frighten the victim, and although they are nonphysical, they can be just as serious and damaging [[SOURCE 1]].
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Recognizing the signs of emotional abuse is crucial in identifying and addressing the issue. Some signs of emotional abuse are obvious, such as yelling or name-calling. However, other signs can be more subtle, making it important to be aware of the red flags. Here are some common signs of emotional abuse:
- Name-calling, demeaning, humiliating, shaming, and criticizing in private or public.
- Controlling and being possessive of the victim's time, actions, and choices.
- Making the victim feel silly, dismissing their feelings, and questioning their experiences (gaslighting).
- Acting extremely jealous of the victim's time spent with friends and family.
- Punishing the victim by withholding attention or affection.
- Threatening the victim or their loved ones.
- Requiring permission for everyday activities and monitoring their whereabouts.
- Constantly accusing or blaming the victim for the abuser's behavior.
- Overloading the victim with compliments or gifts to manipulate them later.
Experiencing these behaviors repeatedly over time can lead to self-doubt, worthlessness, and a loss of confidence in the victim. The abuser uses these tactics to maintain power and control in the relationship [[SOURCE 1]].
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse can have both short-term and long-term effects on the victim's mental and emotional well-being. In the short term, emotional abuse can lead to confusion, fear, difficulty concentrating, feeling overwhelmed and powerless, low confidence, nightmares, aches, and a racing heart.
Over time, emotional abuse can wear down the victim's self-worth, confidence, and mental strength. Long-term effects may include anxiety, depression, insomnia, social withdrawal, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In some cases, emotional abuse can escalate to physical violence when the abuser feels they are losing control in the relationship [[SOURCE 1]].
Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship can be challenging and dangerous. There are various obstacles that may prevent a person from leaving, such as fear of threats and retaliation, financial or housing instability, denial, family pressure to stay, isolation, and lack of support.
If you are in immediate danger, it is important to call emergency services in your country, such as 911. If you need support and resources, you can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit their website at thehotline.org.
Having a safety plan is crucial when leaving an abusive relationship. A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that helps improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave, or after leaving an abusive situation. It includes information such as having an accessible phone, whom to contact, where to go, reasons to leave the house, and how to safely leave. If children are involved, the plan can also include instructions for them during an incident [[SOURCE 1]].
Healing From Emotional Abuse
Healing from emotional abuse is a process that often requires support and professional help. Counseling and therapy can be beneficial for victims to process their traumatic experiences and begin the healing process. Working with mental health professionals, counselors, or advocates can help victims acknowledge the abuse, rebuild their sense of self, develop self-compassion, recognize healthy relationships, rebuild self-esteem, manage symptoms such as anxiety and depression, and strategize coping mechanisms when triggered.
Practicing self-care and self-compassion is also important in the healing process. This can include limiting stress, maintaining a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, engaging in physical activity, meditating, journaling, and reconnecting with friends and family. Social and pleasurable activities can play a significant role in the healing process [[SOURCE 1]].
Conclusion
Emotional abuse is a serious issue that can have long-lasting effects on a person's well-being. It is important to recognize the signs of emotional abuse, understand the obstacles to leaving an abusive relationship, and seek support and resources when needed. Healing from emotional abuse is a process that may require professional help and self-care practices. Remember, no one deserves to be emotionally abused, and there are resources available to help those in need.
